| October 6, 2009 4:24 pm

Apple Store - Glass Cube Regular readers of this blog might accuse me of having a deep seated resentment against iPhone, Mac OS X and Apple in general.  The only problem, of course, is that resentment is the wrong word.  Disillusionment and disgust are much more accurate.

You see, purchasing a Mac computer was one of the single biggest disappointments of my young technical life.  I had been promised so much!

If you read the ramblings of online pundits or dedicated Apple purists, you will know that switching to a Mac brings a Zen like state to your computing.  It will make you more productive, more creative, more organized, more intelligent and possibly even more attractive.

Except after nearly three years of owning one and using it more or less daily, I’ve come to a simple conclusion: my MacBook Pro, in addition to being a lovely paperweight, is a computer.  Nothing more, and quite possibly a whole lot less.  (Were it just a computer, I might even be able to use it the way that I want, instead of capitulating to the desires of a mega corporation.)

In fact, I’ve further decided that there is only one possible way that you can possibly claim that a Mac is easier to use than a PC (short of using mind altering chemicals, that is). You must  choose to stay within Apple’s suffocating glass greenhouse and allow Apple to decide what you can do and dictate precisely how you will do it.  The Apple experience demands nothing less.

Want to use Time Machine to back up to a network storage unit different than their ticking time bomb?  Sorry, you can’t do that.  “It’s not supported.”

Want to run that piece of software that worked just fine until you installed Apple’s latest glorified service pack?  Sorry, that isn’t going to happen, either.  “Backwards compatibility prevents us from creating innovative and utterly amazing ™ new user experiences.”

Or want to use that iPhone program that was approved at the highest levels, and then rejected without explanation?  “We just can’t allow that.  It could result in user confusion.”

It’s either Apple’s way or no way, even when Apple’s way is pathologically stupid.  Yet, there is no lack of iCult members who are positively giddy to be treated like iTools!

In contrast, when something goes wrong on a PC, people – rightly, might I add – blame Microsoft.  Microsoft makes a disgusting amount of money from their software; and in a sane world, money buys accountability.  We pay the CEOs of large corporations obscene salaries and even more ludicrous bonuses to fix problems.  If there’s a malfunction, someone is reassuringly responsible; if there’s a disaster, someone is handily available to be lynched.

Except, reality breaks down within the Church of Apple.  If a Mac user has a problem, you can rest assured that she will blame herself.  You just know that a technical glitch couldn’t possibly be because Apple made a mistake, or the product contains a flaw.  Apple merchandise is loving crafted and precisely engineered!  And the omnisicient Steve Jobs thinks of absolutely everything!

Is it really so hard to see that Apple’s technical accomplishments represent the pinnacle of human accomplishment? Or that every contact with the Holy Church is divinely sublime?

It is positively convenient to drive 50 miles to the nearest Apple store, wait for more than an hour because the iDisciples can’t keep to their appointment system, and lose your computer for a week and a half because a computer repair service doesn’t stock hard drives.  You get to talk to a human being, who will insult you to your face rather than over the phone!  simpsons-mappleIf you can’t get it to work, that’s your problem.  You’re obviously not smart or cool enough to be an Apple person.

In Apple’s pristine little world, it’s just inconceivable that Apple’s products might not be nearly so desirable as the punditocracy claims.  It’s blasphemy of the highest order, requiring that thorough penance to be administered by the all-too enthusiastic congregation of assorted hippies, losers and online freaks.  Any individual who so much as implies something negative about Apple deserves the accusations of bias – defined as anything less than a total willingness to sacrifice their firstborn’s blood on the iAltar – that will plague them for the rest of their public life.

After all, Apple has never done anything to encourage resentment or anger.  They’re far too busy voiding warrantees, sabotaging relationships and having a party to promote the thousands of invisible (albeit refined) features and APIs of their near-perfect operating system.  As a result, it’s simply incorrect to assert that I resent Apple.  Until such time as they do something improper, I’ll just have to classify my feelings as disillusionment and disgust.


4 Responses to “Glass Houses and Stones”

Rob wrote a comment on October 7, 2009

Great read. I’m not a Mac owner, but I can relate to the comments having been an iPod and iPhone owner.

That’s why I stick with Linux, despite all the extra work it requires at times. Must say I’ve been impressed with Microsoft lately. Windows 7 is very impressive, and the .Net framework just keeps getting better.

Keep up the good posts.

[…] the first bout of obscenities, I came to a simple conclusion: I could publicly express my dissatisfaction with Apple’s product line or I could go about trying to find a solution.  Publicly spouting off was unlikely to help […]

Chris wrote a comment on December 11, 2010

Very well said. Exact same way I have been feeling lately. I spent a small fortune on a macbook and iphone and completely regret it.

Frank wrote a comment on August 20, 2013

Interesting how people can either love Apple or hate it, there seems to be almost nothing in between.

I think the major difference between Apple and Microsoft (apart from the first primarily being a hardware company and the second primarily being a software company…) is this:
When your Mac breaks, other Apple users blame you, and when a PC breaks, Microsoft blames you (via their error messages). Or your “hardware manufacturer”, which amounts to the same thing – you bought the broken thing, right?

I run both Windows 7 and OS X machines, plus a third on Ubuntu. The Mac(book) is my main workhorse. All systems have advantages and disadvantages. In my experience of the last 7 years, the Mac has been the most “restrictive” working environment, but -yes, after getting used to it- also the most enjoyable, and the most trouble free. My current Macbook Pro is now almost five years old, and still “just works”. No defects so far except for a broken DVD drive which was replaced under warranty, no crashes, no data loss, no viruses, not getting slower each day you use it, … etc.
But: if this ever changes, I’ll be gone in a heartbeat. I’m keeping close eyes on Linux and Windows. Just like I own my car to get from A to B (and not show off with it), I own my computer to get stuff done (and not to show off my OS).

Oh, and “accountability” for software is worthless. I’d never pay anything extra for it. If you are really serious about this being Microsoft’s advantage, I would like to see who I can get fired or sued at Microsoft for all the trouble they’ve given me in the past with their software. I have yet to see a Microsoft (or Apple or IBM or …) employee say “Yes, this is our fault and I will personally fix it for you.” This I only get with Linux and other open source development teams.

Just my 0.02ct.

Care to comment?